Hey, it’s God here. I’ve made a staffing decision.

You’ve done nothing wrong, but I can’t move to the next level with you on the team. I know the Bible says, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’”

It’s just, well, your personality rubs me the wrong way, and I’d rather not put in the effort to find a way to work alongside you. So, I need you to plan your exit strategy.

Of course, we’ll wait to tell everyone until you have something else lined up. It will sound better that way. Yeah, I know corporations and educational institutions have to figure out how to do this every day, but the one in charge of the church gets to do what he wants, right?

And will you do me a favor?

I know the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor, but I need help. I’m swamped and don’t have time to judge everyone. Will you spend more time judging rather than loving? That would be great.

Please don’t use your time feeding, protecting, and loving. Instead, tell others what they’re doing wrong and shame them into changing their ways because even though you’re not perfect, we should expect them to be.

On a final note, people seem to have forgotten who I was when I walked the earth. My skin was brown, not white. I was a refugee in Egypt for a couple years. I travelled and ate with society’s losers. Let’s not remind anyone, okay? It might result in turmoil and uprising. We can’t have unrest when everything is going smoothly.